Marriage is the first gift that God gave to human beings, and two are definitely better than one. Marriage has accompanied the human story from the very genesis. Each culture defines marriage life differently. We now take a journey through this beautiful and peaceful land of Zambia learning the interesting lead-up events before the final day, when the two are now pronounced husband and wife.

Types and laws of marriages

Zambian Law recognizes two kinds of marriage. Statutory marriages under the Marriage Act and customary marriages under different customs that may vary from tribe to tribe. Polygamy is not allowed for those married under the Marriages Act (Chapter 50) of 1989. The provisions of the Marriages Act do not apply to customary law marriages. It is a criminal offense (bigamy) for a person married under the Act to undergo a marriage ceremony whilst legally married to another person. Customary law marriages are potentially polygamous. According to a 2003 survey, 16% of marriages in Zambia are polygamous. While frequently more common in rural areas, the practice can also be found in some urban settings.

Whether a man needs consent from his existing wife or wives before taking another wife or wives depends on the particular customs governing the marriage. The High Court has jurisdiction over matrimonial causes arising from statutory marriages, including succession. Statutory marriages must be registered and must be monogamous. Suppose a person was married under customary law before entering into a marriage under the Marriages Act. In that case, s/he is liable to prosecution for bigamy.

Although common marriages are practiced in Zambia, they are recognized in the Zambia constitution. (Also known as non-ceremonial, informal, by habit and refute or a legal framework. In this type of "marriage", a couple may be considered married without formally registering their relation as a civil or religious marriage.)

The Marriages Act sets the legal minimum marrying age at 16. Anyone under 21 who is not a widow or widower needs written consent to marry from the father. If consent is refused, the minor can apply to a High Court judge to obtain official consent. Under customary law, the minimum marrying age is considered when the person reaches maturity, a status that is not accurately defined. (It might be around 16 years.) The Act does not contain provisions related to marital property regimes such as in or out of community property.

Events before and during the marriage ceremony

Even though Zambia is a country with different tribes and customs, the marriage process is predominantly the same. Initially, in Zambia, like in many other African countries and traditions, families usually looked for prospects within their tribe. They rarely went outside their circle to find a partner.

At the start of the marriage procedure, a mediator usually serves as a negotiator for the marriage proposal between a man and his bride-to-be's family. This mediator is known as the Ba Shibukombe or Katawa Mpango, depending on the tribe. He is usually a man of integrity and well-respected in society. The mediator is the one who plans the first visit of the intending groom to the girl's parents by initially carrying some gifts from the groom to present to them.

If the meeting goes well, he is asked to return on another day when the bride-to-be will be present. At that meeting, she is asked by her parents if she knows whom the man is representing. If she answers in the affirmative, another meeting to discuss dowry payments is arranged. During this next meeting, the mediator presents special foods from the groom's family to the bride's family as a sign of appreciation.

The groom's family then begins to make plans for their visit to the girl's family for the marriage negotiations, dowry pay, or lobola. On this visit, the groom's family is traditionally expected to bring a manufactured hoe wrapped in cloth with a handle. The hoe is a symbol of the cultivation of the earth and for fertilization. The man also carries white beads and a small amount of money (K100/$6.25 and above). The beads and money are put on a small plate and covered. This visit could be referred to as the insalamu or courtship, and it comes with a wedding engagement gift.

Wedding engagement gift

The gifts, mostly beads, symbolize the man's official proposal to show his commitment. When this is accepted, it indicates that the girl has agreed to marry him, so then they seek the parents' approval. When the parents give their consent, then the marriage negotiations can begin. This is how the bride's family is officially informed.

As part of the acceptance, Icisumina Nsalama, also known as the acceptance of the marriage proposal, a meal is prepared by the girl's family. This meal is delivered to the groom as a symbol of their acceptance of his marriage proposal. The groom gets a plate of Nshima (traditional thick porridge made from maize meal (see the article about Zambian foods)) and a plate of whole chicken. Through this gesture, the bride's family shows that they accept the marriage proposal on their daughter's behalf.

"Nkobekela" is the period from when the insalamu (courtship) is accepted by the woman's side to marriage or wedding day. During this time, the two partners get to know each other and their families better.

Lobola (Dowry)

A dowry or bride’s price in Zambia is called ‘lobola'. This is a pre-wedding practice, where money and gifts must be presented to the girl's family. It is a form of compensation to her family for the lost services of the girl and is intended for the wife's family for raising her well. It comes after the official engagement of the couple. This fee is usually in monetary form in urban cities or in livestock in rural areas, as agreed by both families. The price varies, but usually, it is between K1000/$62.5 - K40000/$2600 or slightly more. The amount is typically determined by the location (rural or urban) and the educational background of the lady. Before the process, a groom must declare his intention to marry the bride by bringing plates filled with money (k100/$6.25 – k500/$31.25 or slightly more), which is called 'nsalamu', to his bride's relatives.

There are times when the girl is discovered pregnant before official marriage. In this situation, there is a penalty fee (damage fees); it's also a varying fee, but can go as high as k1000/$62.25 - k4000/$250 or slightly more, charged to the man for impregnating the woman before the official marriage. This is concluded in the first meeting.

Zambian kitchen party

The kitchen party is an accepted and necessary pre-wedding tradition unique to engaged Zambian ladies. The primary purpose of this party is for guests from both families to advise the bride in several areas and then accept the couple into each other's families before the big day.

Cilanga Mulilo (Pre-wedding buffet)

A man that is about to get married is treated to a pre-wedding buffet by his future wife’s female relatives. The ceremony is called ‘cilanga mulilo', which is from the Bemba tribe of northern Zambia. It directly translates to 'show the fire', alluding to the fact that most meals are prepared on charcoal or firewood instead of a stove. The pre-wedding buffet consists of traditional foods that the groom can expect to be served in his matrimonial home. (Read more about Zambian foods here.) The cooking takes place at the bride's relatives' house, then it is carried to the groom's relatives' house, usually accompanied by traditional drummers and singers.

Pre-marital traditional counseling

"Knowledge is power" this great ancient saying leads us to the most essential preparation segment before the two finally come together. Before the wedding day, the elders organize themselves to teach the man and the woman traditional values on how to abide in their new married life.

For many young women about to get married, traditional counseling is considered the cornerstone of marriage and is at the top of their priority list. Therefore, one lacking knowledge of such teachings is considered ill-prepared for marriage, as they are likely to encounter challenging experiences once married. For this reason, the services of traditional marriage counselors, locally known as Bana Chimbusa or Alangizi have become popular across all sections of Zambian society.

These counselors offer, at a fee, traditionally inclined premarital counsel to would-be brides and also married women in need of spousal refresher sessions. Their charges range from 1,000 to 2,000 Zambia Kwacha (about 70 – 130 US dollars) for a full course that runs from one to two weeks. Singing and the playing of traditional drums characterize the counseling sessions.

Beatrice Bwalya, a traditional marriage counselor said many urban dwellers have realized the vital role traditional marriage counseling plays in maintaining harmony in society through upholding traditions and cultural values.

Pre-marital church counseling

This is typically done by the clergy (pastors or priests). The standard time for this counseling is 3-6 months. Church premarital counseling intends to prepare Christian couples for the sacred, moral, and legal relationship called marriage. Premarital counseling often will help couples snuff out potential areas of growth in their relationship as well as where they most need to align and communicate.

Wedding day

For the wedding day, it depends on a budget of the couple. Others end everything at a kitchen party and "chilanga mulilo", after which they go to their matrimonial house. Others go further to hold a wedding reception celebration after the marriage blessings in Church or without church blessings.

Conclusion

Marriage helps us appreciate the importance of a woman as a helper and a man as the head of the house. Therefore, the Zambian culture and its people hold marriage rites in the highest esteem.